You may have experienced some of the following:
- You might have been watching a movie on pay TV with two women, or lesbians in it, and when it came to the romantic bit, and you were watching them kiss and were enthralled by it. A feeling of relief and excitement comes over you. You might think that it seems so natural and beautiful and it’s exactly what you want to do.
- It might have been at a weekend party at your friend’s house. There is girl there you haven’t seen before and you feel struck by her. You feel compelled to go and talk to her. Before you know it, you realise you are actually flirting with her.
- It might be that you have a crush on a girl and cannot stop thinking about her, so you visit her regularly at the clothes store she has a job in just to see her, or hoping you will catch her eye and she will serve you.
- Your best friend who you have fluttery feelings about that you cannot explain is sleeping over and you are sharing a bed. She falls asleep after giving you a friendly cuddle goodnight. However, you are lying awake all night, frozen, heart racing and sweating, wanting to touch her but instead making sure with every inch of your body that your skin doesn’t even touch hers.
- You might be fantasising or dreaming about girls.
- You might like to look and admire the female form in art, magazines, movies or by watching women playing sport.
- You might be avoiding girls altogether and feel more comfortable in the company of the boys.
- You might be ready to experience what its like to be intimate with another girl (whether that be kissing, holding hands or having sex) or have the realization that it feels right when it happens.
- You might already have a girlfriend, who you are emotionally and physically close to, and feel safe and comfortable with.
“So, how I get to explore this stuff further, how do you get an opportunity to learn about relationships, or what I like and don’t like, when I don’t see it happening around me?”
Whatever you are experiencing, be sure to explore your feelings and attractions in your own time and pace that makes you feel safe and
comfortable. Often, the more people learn about their feelings and attractions, the more comfortable they feel about their sexuality.
Learning about relationships and intimacy is a life long journey, which can change over time as you learn more about who you are.
For some, enjoying friendship, closeness and love are the important things. For others, it is the opportunity to have sex. Others want both or neither.Different people want different things out of relationships. It is important to think about what you might want and expect in a relationship.
A young woman’s story
So I’ve called myself a dyke…
While I don’t really care how people think of me, I prefer to be un-labelled. But being un-labelled these days is in itself a label. It seems to imply that you’re indecisive. Or just unfriendly, somehow. So I’ve called myself a dyke, but that is seen as too butch.
Then I call myself gay, but then people tell me that only applies to males. I don’t want to call myself a lesbian because that is a straight male fantasy (I notice straight males never fantasise about dykes!). I don’t want to call myself queer – that’s too politically loaded. I could call myself homosexual, but that’s just too many syllables. While I’m not bisexual, I can’t even call myself bisexual because it is seen as being too greedy!
“I don’t fit the stereotype of a lesbian. Sometimes I wish I did!”
I think most people think I’m straight. Which comes in handy at times. But it most definitely comes in unhandy at other times. Such as when I’d like to talk to gay girls! They don’t really approach me, and I’m not that big on initiating conversation with girls.
So one day I tried to overcome this problem by giving out more clues that I’m gay. I went out wearing this bright rainbow coloured armband thing. I was excited when a girl came over to talk to me, but then she asked me if I just like the rainbow colours! Her body language said “why are you wearing that, cause it can’t be because you’re gay!”
“If I don’t have much of a chance of being approached at gay clubs and in the gay scene, what chance do I have elsewhere?”
There’s a girl that I see around that I think is gay, but I’m not sure, and even if I was, I wouldn’t approach her. She wont approach me cause apparently everyone thinks I’m straight. How do I let her know I’m gay?
There’s many stereotypical things I could do. I could shave my head. That’s a bit too extreme though. I could wear my “I Hate Boys” shirt and my rainbow coloured armband. And then whenever I’m likely to run into her, I could plan to just happen to be browsing a copy of the latest Q News. Which I could “accidentally” (but conspicuously) drop at her feet as I walk past her! Then I could loudly declare “Whoops, I dropped my Q News, you know, the magazine that gay people read?”
She might get it then.